Back in the Saddle: Re-Discovering Self

I figured that after Rowan was born, I'd get back in the saddle as soon as possible.  However, all the baby & house happenings, along with a string of illnesses and lameness that ailed Ronin (the horse), kept me from jumping right back in. 

Finally, both Ronin and I are at a point where I can sign up for a lesson every other week and be confident that we will BOTH be able to attend.  I have to admit, it's nice to get away for a little bit and do something that I enjoy, on my own.  Riding {even just going to visit the horse} offers a much needed mental and physical outlet. But, things are definitely different since I became a mom.

First of all, I have to drag my butt up to the ranch. No matter how much I like it once I'm there {and I really like it}, I do not get excited to go. Part of this is that I'm tired, unbelievably tired and riding is a lot of work. And part of it is that when I go up to see the horse, it means missing an evening with my baby, since he's already in bed by the time I get home.

Second, I'm a scaredy-cat.  I was always on the cautious side, but now I'm a full on lunatic.  I'm scared to ride, scared to drive, scared to fly....you name it, I'm scared of it.  I guess you're not willing to take as many risks when you have more to lose. 

Also, I'm so out of shape!  While Ronin's made HUGE progress, I've turned into a soft blob. My last lesson had me huffing and puffing, even though I was sharing the lesson with another rider so I got to take breaks.  My comfort level on a horse has decreased dramatically from my last few rides before I gave it up. My seat isn't as good. My balance is off.  My core is weak.

All of these are reasons why I really need to get out there and do this, {which is actually my only motivating factor besides that my horse also needs to get out of his stall}. 

I'm not alone in this battle either.  Rogér has his own struggle to find himself again.  He may not have gotten post pardum panophobia {self diagnosed}, like I did, but his priorities have shifted away from himself as well.  And rightly so....to some extent.  But he needs an outlet too.  For Christmas, we gave him cash use at the International Swim Center {you can't buy a membership, but you pay a daily fee of $3}.  Now that he's gone a couple times, maybe he can find a groove.  His mind and body will be better for it.

We love being parents. More than we ever could have imagined.  But we're also determined to do some things on our own, for ourselves, and we don't want anxiety, excuses, or laziness be what stops us.


image credit: Norman Thelwell